Why Your Relationship Status Matters for Sustainable Leadership Development

Your relationship status affects your leadership more than you realize.

Not because being single or partnered makes you a better or worse leader. But because each season teaches you different things about sustainable leadership.

Maybe you feel like taking care of yourself magically ends up on the back burner whenever life gets overwhelming. Your team's needs come first. Your family's priorities take precedence. Your own wellbeing? That falls to the ground before anything else.

I spent my entire military career single. Now I'm building my business as a married woman and soon-to-be mama.

I've lived on both sides. And I can tell you this: the growth you're experiencing right now might not be possible in a different season.

The Question Every Leader Asks

Do you ever think your leadership would be stronger if you were in a relationship?

Or if you're partnered right now, do you wonder what you could accomplish if you had more time to yourself?

Thinking about these questions is entirely normal. There’s nothing to be ashamed or guilty about here.

Both seasons teach you different things. The growth you're experiencing right now? You might not be able to learn it any other way.

What Being Single Taught Me About Leadership

I'm an introvert by nature. My upbringing taught me how to be outgoing when needed (hello to any fellow military brats out there). But I genuinely enjoy being by myself most of the time.

As I got older, something shifted.

My joy of being alone started getting clouded by loneliness. This deep desire to share my life with someone. To have a partner who understood and supported what I was building.

That loneliness led me into relationships that weren't healthy for me. Maybe you can relate to that.

People saw me as successful. They thought I had everything going for me. But they kept asking when I was getting married. When I'd have kids.

Each time someone asked me those questions, I felt like I was failing at something.

Like if I was so successful in my career, why couldn't I be successful in relationships too? It made me feel incomplete. Like my professional wins didn't count as much because I was alone.

The Turning Point

I was twenty-five when I understood what it meant by God's timing being better than mine. But I turned thirty-one before I truly accepted that being on my own was part of the plan.

That I needed this time alone to grow in ways I couldn't grow with someone else.

Then I met my husband when I was almost thirty-two. Looking back now, I can see it clearly.

Some parts of me needed to grow in an incubator instead of a garden. Quiet. Protected. Just me and God working through things.

I had to develop certain parts of myself—and heal others—before I could be in a healthy relationship.

Why Relationship Status Matters for Leadership Development

Relationships that work require intentional effort.

You can do some healing and growing while you're in one. But some growth requires an intense type of environment. The kind where it's just you doing the hard internal work.

Other growth only happens when you're learning to care for someone else. When you're navigating compromise and communication. When you're choosing someone else's needs alongside your own.

Both matter. Both teach you different things about leadership development.

You might be wondering what relationship status has to do with becoming a better leader.

Everything.

Leadership isn't just about managing teams or hitting goals. It's about managing yourself. Understanding your patterns. Knowing what drains you and what fills you up.

Different seasons of life teach you different lessons about that. Lessons that you can use to develop your team and your professional relationships.

The Cultural Layer Most People Miss

For multicultural and culturally-conscious leaders, your relationship status often carries additional weight.

Your family may have expectations about your timeline that don't match your professional environment (anyone else raised by immigrant parents 🙋🏽‍♀️?). You're translating your choices across cultural contexts. You're explaining decisions to people who measure success differently than you do.

This adds another layer to the loneliness or overwhelm you're experiencing.

You're not just managing whether you're single or partnered. You're navigating family expectations about relationships that may differ from your professional environment. You're code-switching between contexts. You're explaining your timeline to people who see things differently because they grew up differently—they lived their life differently.

This identity fragmentation intensifies the feeling of being incomplete. You can't bring your whole, authentic self to any single space. Parts of who you are feel disconnected and compartmentalized.

Your leadership development can suffer when you're constantly fragmenting yourself to fit different expectations.

How to Take Advantage of Your Current Season

If you're single right now and feeling lonely, or if you're in a relationship and feeling stretched thin, I want to help you see the growth opportunities you have right now.

Not someday when your life looks different. Right now.

What You've Accomplished

Think about what you've accomplished so far that would've been harder in a different season.

If you're single: What have you achieved that would've been more difficult with a partner?

Maybe you moved across the country for a job. Maybe you poured yourself into a certification or degree. Maybe you said yes to projects that required long hours and total focus.

One of my clients moved cross-country for career advancement in less than six months. She couldn't have done that with a partner's career to consider.

If you're in a relationship: What have you built that would've been harder on your own?

Maybe you started a business because your partner supported you financially. Maybe you took a risk because you knew someone would be there to catch you if you failed. Maybe you're handling life's chaos better because you have someone to process it with.

Another client launched her coaching practice while her spouse covered household expenses. It wasn’t easy, but that financial cushion made her transition possible.

You accomplished these things because of your current season. Not despite it.

The timeline you achieved them in? That might not have been possible otherwise.

What You Genuinely Enjoy

Think about the things you do right now that you genuinely enjoy. Would those same activities feel different in another season?

If you're single, maybe it's the freedom to take a Saturday morning for yourself without explaining it to anyone. The ability to say yes to spontaneous plans. The quiet of coming home to your own space.

If you're partnered, maybe it's having someone to celebrate wins with. Someone who knows when you need space versus when you need to talk. The comfort of not having to explain yourself because they already get it.

We take these things for granted when we're feeling lonely or overwhelmed.

Loneliness shows up. Being overwhelmed shows up. That's normal.

The skill is recognizing when you're there. Knowing how to get back to neutral. Then, back to appreciating what this season offers.

Thinking about what you enjoy right now—that's only possible because of your current situation—can help bring you back to center.

This awareness supports your leadership development.

The Sacrifices You've Made

Think about the sacrifices you've made to get where you are today. Would those same sacrifices have been possible in a different season?

Maybe you worked late for months on a project. Maybe you moved away from your family. Maybe you said no to opportunities that would've taken you away from your relationship. Maybe you chose to invest in your marriage instead of that expensive program.

Were those sacrifices necessary to get you here?

If they were, would you have made the same choice in a different season?

We don't realize how our season makes certain choices simpler. Not easier—just simpler.

Being single meant I didn't have to consider a partner's career when I got orders to a new base. Being married now means I have built-in support when life gets chaotic.

This is also a good time to ask yourself: Were those sacrifices worth it? Am I where I want to be?

If the answer is no, that's okay. That's information you can work with.

How Your Current Season Prepares You for the Next

Your current season is preparing you for the next one.

If you're single: You're learning how to take care of yourself. How to set boundaries. How to process your emotions. How to be okay with being alone.

These skills will make you a better partner when the time comes.

What opportunities are in front of you right now that you could only take advantage of while you're in this season?

If you're in a relationship: You're learning how to care for someone else without losing yourself. How to communicate when you're tired. How to make space for someone else's needs while still honoring your own.

These skills will make you a better leader.

How can you lean into the growth opportunities available to you right now?

Your next season—whatever it looks like—will be better because of what you're learning today.

This directly impacts your leadership development and your growth mindset.

The Reality of Leadership Loneliness

I want to remind you of something. You are perfectly imperfect.

You're going to feel lonely sometimes. You're going to feel overwhelmed sometimes. You're going to have moments of regret or guilt.

That's part of being human.

This isn't about achieving perfection. This isn't about never having hard days.

This is about getting a better return on your growth. About recognizing that where you are right now is teaching you something you need to know.

I've learned from living both seasons: Your leadership effectiveness isn't dependent on your relationship status. But your season does affect how you lead yourself and others.

Single leaders often struggle with loneliness and feeling like something's missing, even when they're crushing their goals.

Partnered leaders often struggle with feeling stretched too thin. Like they're failing at everything because they can't give enough to anyone.

Both are forms of the same struggle: feeling like you're not enough.

What if this season—exactly as it is—is giving you what you need to become the leader you're meant to be?

Focusing on Intentional Leadership Development

Your leadership development and personal wellbeing accelerate when you stop fighting your circumstances. When you start learning from them instead.

This doesn't mean settling. It doesn't mean giving up on what you want.

It means recognizing that right now, in this moment, you have access to growth opportunities that might not be available later.

The motivation you're looking for doesn't come from changing your relationship status. It comes from understanding what your season offers. From taking full advantage of it.

Whether you're single or partnered, you're developing crucial leadership skills right now. Skills that will serve you for the rest of your career—and life.

The question isn't whether you're in the right season.

The question is: are you making the most of the season you're in?

What Success Looks Like in Your Season

Working with women leaders across both military and corporate settings, I've observed certain patterns.

Single leaders often develop stronger independent decision-making capabilities. They build deeper self-awareness because of the amount of time they spend on their own—depending on themselves.

Partnered leaders who leverage their season develop stronger collaboration skills. They learn to maintain boundaries while caring for others.

Both groups improve their leadership wellbeing when they stop viewing their season as temporary and start seeing it as purposeful.

These aren't small shifts. They're the foundation for success habits that last decades.

If you're someone who needs to talk through where you are and where you're headed, I'd love to connect with you.

I offer a complimentary twenty-five-minute coaching session where we'll explore what's next for you. You'll walk away with clarity on your next step and more information on whether coaching can give your leadership skills the boost you’re looking for.

Thanks for being here today. I'm proud of you for showing up and doing this work.

Your season matters. Your growth matters. And you matter.